Religion, realty, reality – OK, scratch that last

The housing market is a bit tight at the moment. If you’re having a hard time selling your house, what’s a sensible way to increase your chances? Should you hold an open house? Repaint the exterior? Get your realtor laid? Spruce up the garden with a few new plants? Hire a model to sunbathe on the neighbor’s lawn? Spritz cinnamon air freshener everywhere?

Bury a statue?

Oh, the stupid, it burns…

Look, I can see putting a statue of St. Joseph up in your garden; that might even help you sell the place to other religious idiots, though it might lower the price when they see your desperation made manifest in idolatry. But burying a statue of the Saint of Real Estate? If I was a saint (not gonna happen, Mum) I’d be downright offended, both by the disrespect toward my likeness and the dishonesty of hiding the evidence of my attempt to magic up a sale.

The funny thing is, I suspect most of the people doing this would, if it were a Voudoun priestess telling them to bury a chicken head with a house key in its beak, scoff at the silly superstitious idea. A three inch statue of a dead religious leader, though? That’s gotta be effective, even if you’re not Catholic:

“I wasn’t sure if it would be disrespectful for me, a Jewish Buddhist, to co-opt this saint for my real estate purposes,” says Luna, a writer. She figured, “Well, could it hurt?”

Only your mind, Luna-tic, only your mind…

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~ by B.T. Murtagh on November 6, 2007.

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