Holy War on Swine Flu
Everybody knows that Jesus cast a legion of demons into a herd of swine, which then rushed down to the water and drowned. (If you want chapter and verse, look it up yourself!) In a weird reverberation of mystic fate, many churches have had to stop supplying the little bowls of holy water at the entrance of the church, because that unholy swine flu was being rapidly spread among the churchgoers.
I know, I know… you’re shocked that demons of swiney illness could live in holy water!!
As ever, though, the churches are willing to adopt a bit of science-based technology if it will help keep people kowtowing to the superstition.
Churches are now putting in holy-water dispensers based on the automatic faucets you get in public restrooms – wave your hand beneath, and a squirt of magic water comes out! It’s as if there were a tiny angel in there waiting to splash the prayerful hands.